This was what I had written just before my last trip to Florida:
It's through tears that I write this. I'm sort of sick and hurt inside all at once.
Cancer.
Cancer used to be something that I didn't know personally, only through friends who have had someone dear to them go through it
Now I'm better acquainted with it and its devastating mark that it's leaving on my family. Honestly, I want it to all go away. But the visual images of my Momma are real.
Too real.
Too close.
Too painful.
The phone call today from home brought the real-ness back to meet me 900+ miles away.
"The Dr.'s have nothing encouraging," said the voice on the other line.
So the thoughts go...Really?
God, SAVE my MOM!
I know YOU can!
Just show up, make Your presence known and show this cancer who's boss!
This is too painful.
Too uncomfortable.
Too much.
Then, as I try to sort through my emotions myself, like an idiot.
God brings to mind this verse,
2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
Give me faith God! Even when I can't see Your work or the reason.
Help me remember that You are still good all the time and this is for good and Your glory.
8/24/12 and 9/13/12
So, God didn't choose to save my Mom. At least, not in the physical sense. My Mom went to Heaven on Sunday, August 5th. We had a family dinner. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Nieces, Nephews, Moms, Husbands, and Grandkids were all there.
My Mom always wanted to have "Sunday Family Dinner" where everyone could come and enjoy family time. She got exactly that the evening she went to be with Jesus.
These years without her are not going to be easy, but I know the Truth.
My goal is Heaven!
Is God still good?
Yes, He is! Even when it's hard to understand on this side of Eternity.
He is Good.
Philippians 3:12-14
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
3 comments:
Jen: I lost my mom to cancer when I was 26, in 1988. Just today I told my husband that I wish my mom was here. I really could use help understanding my teen children. How did she get through it with three kids in 4 years, all growing through those years at once? How did she deal with me...self centered, ungodly. How many nights I got home at 3 a.m. to find my mom in the living room reading her Bible. I will pray for you and your family.
I hope it helps to know there are others aching with you to see dear ones in Heaven. Waiting for the chance to wrap your arms around them again. Waiting to see their glorified face. Waiting to be whole. I love you.
Oh sister. I'm praying for you. I love you, dear friend.
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